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Thanks for stopping in. There isn't really a rhyme or reason to this blog. It's just what comes to my head as I go through each day. If something I say resonates with you (positively or not), please leave a comment. It helps to know that people care. Thanks for reading!

Friday, July 9, 2010

God's answer to my petition??

So, today was an interesting day. It was apparently pregnant women's day at the grocery store this morning. I was going to a party tonight, and I needed to buy stuff to make a fruit salad. I've never seen so many pregnant women in one place at once....and anyone NOT pregnant had an infant or toddler with them. What's the deal??

So then I go to the party tonight...and Sophie's there. For anyone who's not up with the blog, Sophie is a month old baby whose mother announced her pregnancy at the same time as me last September, when she was one month in and I was 2.5 months in. Sophie's been my ghost...it's like watching the child that would have been...she's even half Asian like my Seamonkey was. Anyways, so Sophie's there. Hadn't met her before.

I was doing ok, and even holding my own better than I thought I would (safely across the party from Sophie), when someone who knows my history said something to me...it was little, and it was meant to be supportive, but it cut through my tenuous hold on control like a hot knife through butter. So I excused myself to the bathroom before anyone noticed...except for the person who said the thing in the first place...to calm myself down before I got really upset and/or started crying. And then she FOLLOWED ME. OK, really? Obviously saying something to me didn't work out so well, so you're really going to follow me to the bathroom and make me talk about it more while locked in a small room?! So, yeah, I started crying, and it was stupid and made me feel like an idiot...I'm glad no one else noticed (I hope). I hung out in the bathroom until my eyes stopped being red.

So, God, was this the answer to my petition? If so, what was it? Were you saying that you're mad at me and that you want me to suffer? Were you showing me hope through the pregnant women and Sophie? Were you trying to make me break down the walls I'm building around my emotional swamp? Or was it all just coincidence? Please, God, can I have a baby now?

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