I'm considering posting this on October 15th, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance day:
I bought this postcard online HERE when I started to consider sharing this.
To be honest, I'm scared to share this. I'm not ashamed of Charlotte. I'm so very proud to be her mother. She is not a secret. She has a place of honor in my home that anyone close enough to me to enter my house would see.
I never announced to the world that I was pregnant. I don't know why. I was scared. So it becomes very difficult to go back now and say that not only was I pregnant, I gave birth to a little girl who died.
I don't want people to think that I am doing this for attention. That isn't what I want. I know that seems a little hard to believe, considering my varied blog rants about no one caring about me, but it's the truth. I don't want or need the people I'm "friends" with to do or be anything.
So why would I post it? Mike wouldn't like it. So why would I post it? I have nothing to gain. So why would I post it? I don't have interest in the placating remarks of the people I know only tangentially on facebook. So why would I post it?
It's infant and pregnancy loss awareness day. Shouldn't I be brave enough to make people aware? Aren't I brave enough to say to the world that my baby girl existed? Isn't that the day, if I ever would, that I should be brave enough to say, "this happened to my family"?
There's a part of me who is bursting to say something...all the time. Some times the voice in my head is screaming, "ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR DAUGHTER." I haven't listened. I haven't told anyone new about Charlotte since the week after she died, when I told a few "friends" (see this post to see how well that went).
I don't know if I will or not. What do you think, silent people who may or may not read my blog?