Day 1 (10/1): Sunrise
I took this at the Outer Banks in 2010. I was still mourning the loss of my first child and waiting for the start of my second, Mia. I was in a dark place, and photography was the outlet I used to keep myself going and focused. It was a helpful coping mechanism.I didn't fully grasp the symbolism at the time, but I have literally dozens of photos of sunrises from these months. I think I was waiting for my new start.
Day 2 (10/2): Self-Portrait Before Loss
This was taken of Mike and me on the day we found out we were having a baby for the first time. It was at the Magic Kingdom in Disney World, of all places. That was when I still had the mindset that a positive pregnancy test would lead to a baby in 9 months. Done deal. I look and feel so different from that person now. Whenever I look at this picture, I can't help but think, "I was pregnant then..." It makes me kind of sad, and I don't look at these Disney pictures often for that reason.
Day 3 (10/3): Self-Portrait After Loss
This was taken about three weeks after Charlotte's birth and death. I think it's important to note that I still smile. It's hard. Sometimes it feels forced. Sometimes it feels wrong. Sometimes I feel guilty. Then there's Mia. I have to smile for Mia. If I've learned nothing else, I have to cherish my children for as long as I have them. I have to enjoy them every day. I hope I will be enjoying them for every day of the rest of my life...but if not, I don't want to regret the happiness we didn't get to share.
Day 4 (10/4): Treasured Items
I know I already shared this photo. But I do treasure it. It feels good to have a place where Charlotte can "live", so to speak. I feel a sense of peace now that the special things that need a place have a place. Her remains, her prints, her picture, and her angels...they have a protected place of importance now in my house.
My photo journey continues HERE