Thanks for stopping in. There isn't really a rhyme or reason to this blog. It's just what comes to my head as I go through each day. If something I say resonates with you (positively or not), please leave a comment. It helps to know that people care. Thanks for reading!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Things I'm thankful for....

It's Thanksgiving (though barely...I waited too long to write this!) and I actually am just overwhelmed by the number of things I have to be thankful for.

I'm thankful for my wonderful husband, who tries so hard to make me happy, who loves me unconditionally (even when I don't deserve it), and who makes me feel lucky every single day.

I'm thankful that everyone I love and care about is healthy and (at least relatively) happy this holiday season.

I'm thankful that I have a wonderful home, sweet and loving pets, and a job that pays the bills (and that I even like sometimes).

I'm thankful that I have so many people in my life who want good things for me and are happy to celebrate them with me.

I'm thankful that my Chicklet is strong and healthy, and that I'm going to get to be the mother I've always wanted to be very soon....

I'm very blessed...I recognize that and am thankful today...

Out of the closet

So I'm starting to tell people...I mean, really, I'm about four months in...the jig is up.  My belly's starting to show, and I'll know if he's a boy or a girl within the month.  It had to happen.  I am not, however, "out" on facebook.  I was thinking about it after I woke up this morning (from the strangest dream....I was in labor, but I wasn't me...I was I saw the whole thing from his perspective...and it grossed me out).  I think I may wait to tell facebook until after the next ultrasound, then share news along with the new pics and the gender...I think that would be fun...maybe....ish.  *shrug*  I'm hoping this isn't my subconscious trying to put it off a little does that sometimes!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

What's poppin'?

Oh yeah...that'd be me!  Belly's getting bigger, and I've now made the permanent switch to maternity was just uncomfortable.  Yeah, I could kinda sorta still wear my old pants now, just isn't pretty.  I also started taking the weekly belly photos last week...and was shocked to see a marked difference in just the first two weeks, even!  Awesome.  It's still a little scary's a wierd feeling.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

The pudge mask

I'm not the most svelte person on the planet...hello understatement.  That being said, I'm not grossly overweight or obese.  I do, however, have this annoying icky pudge on my lower's been there for as long as I can remember.  I think I got it before I knew how to take care of myself and/or exercise...and it's simply never gone away.  So now, when I'm desperate for a baby bump, I have a pudge mask.  If I poke my pudge, it's harder, and you can feel that there's something underneath it, but I look pretty much the same.  My belly has grown, but it doesn't look like a baby looks like my same old pudge.  I'm disgruntled that my pudge is masking my chicklet.  He's right there!!  Is it so wrong that I want other people to see it?  That being said, I turn fourteen weeks tomorrow, and I haven't told (or had to tell) anyone at work yet.  I guess that's the positive side of the pudge?

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Making a big deal...

So, a friend recently told me that I'm downplaying everything too much...I don't like making a big deal about my pregnancy symptoms, I get embarrassed when people talk about the baby, and I'm just generally trying to keep my emotions in check.  I know that this is a huge, big deal to me, but women are pregnant all the time, and it's not the center of everyone else's worlds.  That being said, I'm still having problems with reactions.  People are taking my downplayed attitude as though I'm not excited and I don't want people to say even congratulations.  That's not it.  At all.  So what should I be doing?  Should I scream it from the mountain tops and beg people to be happy for me?  Should I keep on the same path and just take everything as it comes? 

I just don't can people (especially people who know my past and what I've gone through) not be excited for me?  And, really, if not excited, at least congratulatory.  I went through a massive heartbreak and then almost a year of trying to have a baby.  Now, when I actually AM having a baby, when everything is actually going well, and when it looks like I may actually get to meet this child, people won't share my happiness?

Maybe it's my own fault, in part.  When I went through the miscarriage (it's hard to write that, I'm not going to lie), I didn't want to talk about it.  I am a ridiculously private person when it comes to my emotions and my body, and I just didn't have the energy to talk about it.  I think people took that to mean that I didn't want to talk about anything....ever.  I don't know. 

If you know me, and you're reading this, please....please just be happy and enthusiastic for me, ok? 

Friday, November 5, 2010

So close....

I am only three days from the second trimester...I'm so very close...This week has me a little freaked out, though.  Last time, I was at 12 weeks 5 days (read: today) when I started spotting, 12 weeks 6 days when I had the ultrasound to confirm it, and 13 weeks 0 days when I had my D&C.  I know it's incredibly supersticious, but something about the next three days really freaks me out.  I remember having that same feeling of relaxing...feeling that the coming of the second trimester meant that I could stop worrying, at least to an extent...and then it go worse.  I'm really hopeful that when I hit 13 weeks 0 days with no spotting, and hearing the heartbeat, it'll seem ok.  I would love to stop worrying so much.  I haven't even told most people yet.  Even some of my family members don't know.  It seems silly, and yet it terrifies me to tell people...last time I told people about a week before I had to un-tell them.  I know it was just coincidence, but it still scares me.  *sigh*  So close...