Fears, Tears, and Cheers: No words

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

No words

I have this unbearable desire to talk to someone, and no words to say.

I don't know how to share what I feel, how I miss my daughter, the fear and guilt I have of moving forward, the way loneliness seeps in. I want to talk to someone, anyone, everyone, and I have no words.

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Background

Here are the brief highlights of my journey into motherhood for anyone who doesn't know me. In August 2009, I found out for the first time that I was pregnant. We nicknamed that baby Seamonkey. We learned at 13 weeks that the baby had died, and I had a D&C in early October. In August 2010, I found out for the second time that I was pregnant. We nicknamed that baby Chicklet. We learned on December 23rd that she was a girl. Mia was born via C-section (she was breech) on May 11, 2011. In March of 2012, I found out for the third time that I was pregnant. We nicknamed that baby Sweet Potato. On July 22, 2012, we learned that she had passed away, at just about 21 weeks gestation. Charlotte was born sleeping later that night. On January 23rd, 2013 we learned we were pregnant for the fourth and final time. We nicknamed this baby caterpillar, our not quite a butterfly, yet. We learned he was a boy in mid-April, and Ethan Alexander was born via c-section September 30, 2013. We now are learning how to function as a family of four with a Guardian Angel looking out for us. We're looking for signs and teaching our kids about their Angel Sister.

Thanks

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

No words

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