New tests

So I just got some more tests in the mail....I ordered 25 for $20...I'm going to attempt to limit myself to two a day, which would then make them last until the day AFTER AF is supposed to get here. I really strongly feel like I Oed on Thursday or Friday of last week, which means I SHOULD be able to get a positive test (if it's a go for this month) within the next week or so. We'll see how that goes.

I have a really good feeling about this month. First, the psychic said so. There's this psychic that all the women on my message boards use, and she said we'd find out July from a cycle that started in June...so here goes! I just hope she meant this year!! Also, after this one particular BDing session while in Atlantic City, I suddenly got very calm and very centered, and I remember thinking, "That was it. In nine months, I'm going to have a baby. This was the one." That's never happened before...I really hope it's right! I'm REALLY ready for some good news.

I forgot to smile!

I bought the digital opks this month...simple right? When you are about to O, the digital test has a little smiley face on it....the other days it's just an empty circle. HOWEVER...

I went to Atlantic City this week. Lots of fun, and I think Mike and I needed it to reconnect....the sex-pressure doesn't feel so strong this month...THANK GOD....BUT it totally messed up my schedule, so I didn't test at the right times and I drank way too much caffeine, which could mess up my results...so now I'm worried I may have missed my smiley. There was still plenty of BDing to go around, so it I DID O, I didn't miss it....but now I have no idea if I should keep testing or not. Should I save my surplus tests for next month when I'm not so distracted, or should I keep testing "just in case".....What IS it with me and "just in case"???

Cycle 8 BD Commencing...

So it's about that time again...the OPKs still say no...I caved and bought the digital ones with the smiley face...but it's time to start regardless...just in case.

We're leaving for Atlantic City tomorrow...this seems like deja vu. Check out my blog entry here to see why. Last time my luck took a vacation all together...this time, I would like either a major jackpot or a baby please. How big of a good luck charm do I need?

Thoughts on Father's Day

It's Father's Day today. Mother's Day was decidedly difficult for me. I kept thinking about the child I wanted to have in my arms, not just in my heart, and it made me very sad that NO ONE saw me as a mother, though I have an angel baby somewhere out there. So now it's Father's Day...and I want to feel that same anger for Mike. He should be a father right now. His child should be breathing and smiling in his arms today, and it's not. At the same time, I know that he doesn't want to make it a big deal, so I've held back...I wanted to get him a card and acknowledge him as the father of my children (past and future...no present), but he doesn't want that. So I say it here: On this Father's Day, I want to thank my husband for being the father I needed him to be in times past, and I want to thank him for the hope he gives me of seeing him be the amazing father he can be in the future. Happy Father's Day MooBear.

Message board addict

I've been a fan of the whattoexpect.com message boards since I started this whole process in August...first I was on the "Due April 2010" board, then the "Grief and Loss" board, and now "Trying to Conceive".

My addiction to these message boards is getting worse. For the first two boards, I never actually had a signature...it seemed too complicated, and I didn't want to bother. I now have a banner for the "Green Girls" (girls who POAS the same week as me), an anniversary ticker, a cycle ticker, two stickers (1 TTC after loss and 1 police wife), a pikistrip (row of fun pictures), AND a link to my blog. It's getting obnoxious. Not only that, but I started this month's Green Girls thread, so I'm the one making and updating the banner....this is getting serious.

Well that's different.

So a weird version of AF came last night...watery as all get out and bright pinky/orange rather than red. Weird. I also tested this morning "just in case" (again, I'm a fan of just in case...) using a brand of test I don't usually use, and I got a weird result that I don't quite know how to interpret...it's just weird. Why can't anything ever just be clear? Do I have to second-guess this entire process?!

Ah...there it is.

So, apparently I just had a 30 day cycle for no apparent reason. Still planning to test tomorrow, just in case (I'm a big fan of just in case), but at least I know what the deal is now. On to cycle 8...I grow tired of this activity.