I was hoping for a little more....

So we told my family today.  It seemed like a good opportunity.  Everyone was together for a Labor Day barbeque, and we were ready to share.

I did not get the response I was hoping for.  It's because the last pregnancy ended in miscarriage.  My whole family just acted very nonchalant about it.  No one really acted excited.  I think they were reserving their excitement in case something bad happens again.

I DON'T WANT MY PREGNANCY TO GO THAT WAY!!!

I'm SO happy.  I want to be happy about this baby.  I want other people, ESPECIALLY my family, to be excited about this baby.  I want to celebrate this child that I feel so blessed to have in my life right now.  I do NOT want to reserve my happiness or excitement.  If the worst happens again, which I hope to God it won't, I want to look back on the time I DID have with this child and see that I enjoyed every second out of it.  I KNOW how fleeting this kind of happiness can be, and I don't want to WASTE it on fears and worries.  I want to soak in happiness until my fingers get all pruny. 

So, yeah, not what I was looking for tonight.  Broke down in tears on the way home.  Trying to move on from being disappointed.  I don't want this disappointment to take away that happiness either.