I hope 25 is enough...

So, I'm now 3-4dpo (since I got my smiley on Sunday morning, I O'ed either Sunday or Monday).  I ordered 25 of the internet cheapie tests...the kind that basically look like the ph balance strips you used in high school chemistry.  I've said it before, so let me say it again...I want to know as soon as it is physically possible to know.  This means that, though it's not even really possible to get a positive test until at LEAST 8dpo, I test AT LEAST once a day from day 3 on.  Just in case.  This is apparently my mantra.  I had a sharp pain on my lower left side on Tuesday night, and a part of me thought, "hmm...maybe it's implantation!"  Yeah right.  Even if I O'ed on Sunday afternoon, there's no WAY that there could be implantation on Tuesday...all the research says 5-8 days!!  So, yeah, I'm a goober.  So, I have my 25 strips...I really hope it's enough to last me through this cycle!  I have 23 left as of right now........

Ooh, thats new and different!

I finally got a positive OPK!  That means I'll be ovulating in the next day or two.  Woo hoo!  I've NEVER gotten a positive OPK...I always miss it!  This also means that my body's pretty well on track for this cycle, because tomorrow's the two week mark, which is when your body is "supposed to" ovulate.  Yay!  I'm excited that I actually KNOW.  How cool is that!?

Wishes

While at the cabin, I made a lot of wishes.  First, since there was no light polution, we could see all the stars...including three shooting ones.  Second, we saw about a million butterflies...and if a butterfly crosses your path it's good luck...so I made a wish on about 20 butterflies, too.  Third, Mike lost two eyelashes while in the jacuzzi...so we each made a wish on those, and I got them...you know, you squeeze the eyelash between your finger and someone else's finger, and whoever the eyelash sticks to gets a wish.  I won.

So how many times do I have to wish for something to make it come true?  Every time I made a wish, I had a mental picture of what I wanted...and it was really nice...so here's hoping that I'm one wish over the line.

Sprinting at the start of the race...

So, Mike and I rented a "cabin" (hot tub, jacuzzi, beautiful views....not in the slightest bit rustic) in the mountains for a few days this week.  We got to take our dog with us, and we totally enjoyed just being together...watching movies, playing games, sitting in the hot tub, and....yeah.  So, there was a lot of baby-dancing practice going on.  Lots of fun, but...I'm now coming up on my ovulation time for the month...and I'm exhausted!  I feel like I just sprinted the first two miles of a marathon, and the rest of the race is INCREDIBLY daunting right now.

On the bright side, I got a head start...so we'll see how that whole thing works out!

Concerned

One of my close friends is planning on TTC in the near future...another month or two.  I'm a little concerned that she'll be one of those first month trying people, and, if so, I might not handle it well.  I've never been a particularly patient person, especially when it's something that I want badly...and the only thing I've ever wanted as much as this was to marry Mike. 

Now, in retrospect, the YEARS I spent waiting for Mike to ask me to marry him don't seem that bad.  Our life together is really happy, and we just GET each other.  It makes sense.  It's been three years since we got married, and already the time before seems really distant and fuzzy...I'm hoping that TTC will be the same way...I really hope that, when (yes, when) we have a baby, all of this pain and heartache and exhaustion and frustration will all fade in the happiness and fulfillment that is being a parent.  I've got a lot of love that I want to share.

We're currently at the start of cycle nine.  One of my friends on the message boards said this is third time's the charm times three, so it's even luckier...I really hope she's right.  Again, I'm at the point that, if this IS our month, I'll be on EXACTLY the same time table that I was last year.  I'd be due within 2 days of my edd from the last time.  I don't know if that's good or bad...I think I would seriously freak out, come October...and, God help us, if anything bad happened again....just, wow.

TLC show...really?

So I was watching TLC at 1am again...and they had a show on called "I'm pregnant and addicted". This particular episode was about a woman who was on methadone and 36 weeks pregnant. She said, "We were gonna wait until after I got offa the methadone, but, we weren't preventing, so...?"

OK, really??

All things considered...

The worst part about the repeated BFNs is telling Mike about it. I HATE that I have to be the bearer of bad news over and over again. I just feel like I'm disappointing him. It's getting to the point that the telling of it is worse than the actual event itself. I know I'll eventually get my BFP. Well, maybe "know" is a little strong...but I'm pretty confident.

This month wasn't so bad, though. I told Mike it was a no for this cycle, and he was ok about it. We immediately started making plans for this month. We're going to try to work on self improvement in general starting this month...from cleaning and organizing, to correcting bad habits, to getting healthier...we spent an hour or two making a list of reasonable goals that have tangible rewards. I'm actually excited about it. It also doesn't hurt that we're going to be going to a cabin for three days during the BD marathon this cycle, so it won't be same old, same old all over again.

I'm actually cautiously optimistic, which is VERY early in the cycle for me. It's a good day...all things considered.