BFN...again

AF is bad in the best of circumstances.  AF at the beach, with my whole family around, and exactly one year after I got my first BFP is decidedly not the best of circumstances.

Decidedly grumpy

I quit.  No AF yet (not due until Monday at the EARLIEST...likely Tues or Wed), but I tested several times today and I got nothing.  Was it a fluke, or was it misread, or was it chemical, or will I get a positive tomorrow?  Bah.  I quit.

A little frustrated...

So, OK, I have my abnormal hpt result...now, in EVERYTHING I've read, if it shows up in the time frame, WHATEVER it looks like, it's a good thing.  So I had SOMETHING...it wasn't the clearest of lines, but it was SOMETHING....and I posted it to my message board.

I was somewhat disappointed in the responses I got.  Rather than saying yes or no as to whether or not they saw something, most just said "test tomorrow with FMU".  Well DUH I'm going to test tomorrow with FMU....I test multiple times a day!  Of COURSE I'll be testing tomorrow morning.  The question was what do you think of THIS test today??  Tomorrow morning is HOURS away.  Bah.

Wanting to be cautiously hopeful and optimistic, and feeling defeated.  Bah.

No, no, I mean it this time....maaaaybe??

So, I'm pretty sure Tuesday's test was an evap line...I let it sit for too long...but on my third test for today I got this:

Maaaaaybe??  Maybe?  Panic.  Sheer panic.  Maybe?????

At this point I'm remembering getting one of these and having it turn into a chemical pregnancy...that was back in....what, February??  March??  I have no idea.

Maaaaaybe??

Send To Phone

Feeling discouraged

So I tested again today and nothing...so I think it had to have been an evap line.  Damn.  I was pretty hopeful.  HOWEVER....I am only at 9 dpo today, so it's still super early.  Trying not to give up hope on this yet.

No, no, really....maaaaaybe??

So, since I'm currently 8-9 dpo, I'm currently taking 2 tests a day...just in case. 

I decide to take one this afternoon at about 4, then I jump in the shower, completely forgetting to check it.  So when I looked later, there was DEFINITELY something there.  Now, I left it for too long, so it could TOTALLY be an evap line....but maybe not?  I don't know!

I'm DESPERATE to test again, but I don't want to be disappointed.  I'm worried I'm getting my hopes up for no good reason. :-/

Maaaaaybe?

So, I'm at 6-7 dpo.  I got my smiley last Sunday morning, and it's supposed to be 12-36 hours after that.

So, last night, I go to the bathroom (if you have issues with TMI, stop reading here...if you don't, don't blame me if you don't like it!).  When I wiped my normal cm looked wierd and orange.  Not in a bloody orange color...orange like the blogspot logo orange.  So I wipe again...the orange went away.  I think nothing of it.  Later that night, I went again, and THIS time it's brown...as in the color brown that I get at the very end or very beginning of AF...but it's too early for AF.

Implantation bleeding?!  Anyone?!  Maybe?!

Last time I didn't notice any ib, but last time I was on the pill, we weren't trying, and I highly doubt that I would have noticed anything if there was anything...if it was faint and vague like this, I'm sure I'd have just blown it off.  So what is it?!

I'm torn about whether or  not to talk to Mike about it.  On the one hand, I really really don't want to get his hopes up if I'm wrong.  I love it when he's positive and optimistic, but I hate telling him it's a no with a passion, especially when he's positive and optimistic.  On the other hand...what if it is?!  Don't I want to give him this hope so that these next few days seem a little brighter?  Shouldn't we be celebrating what could be? 

So torn...

As a side note, as I'm leaving for a week at the beach on Saturday, I would REALLY appreciate getting my BFP...AF on a good day really sucks, but AF at the beach is a major bummer.