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Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Another death

Mike's friend died yesterday. He was a motorcycle cop, and he was in an accident. He died.

He had a little girl and two little boys at home. His wife is all alone.

He was a really, really nice guy. I don't fit in well with the police wives, but he always acted happy to see me. He was kind and generous and so sweet. He was always smiling, always laughing.

I am sad today on so many levels.

The world lost a really good man. The world will be a little darker and colder without him in it.  He didn't have to be a cop...he had money. He CHOSE to be an officer. He didn't have to ride bikes, but he CHOSE to do it because he was an amazing driver and he loved it.

Sweet little kids lost a really great dad. He was a good dad. He loved his kids. 24 hours ago he kissed them goodbye just like any other day. Now he's gone. No more bedtime stories. No more kisses.

A wonderful, strong woman has lost her husband. I can so easily put myself in her place, and I don't know how I would breathe.  I'm praying she has  the support that I so wanted in July. I don't know what I would do. In an entirely selfish way, I'm consumed with my own fear, terrified that it could happen to me...and I don't think I'd be strong enough to survive it.

My husband has lost his good friend. Mike doesn't trust or care easily. There are very few people he feels he can really talk to, open up to. I'm so incredibly sad that he lost one of them.

The world stopped for me and my family again yesterday, as it did for every law enforcement family...and the rest of the world, the world he died to protect, they went to their new year's eve parties.  The world is unfair, and I don't understand. I just don't.

I can find meaning and purpose in Charlotte's death. I can see a larger plan. I can't find meaning here. 

I'm sad.

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