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Friday, December 7, 2012

I was really hoping you would just shut up...

I had a late lunch with some other yearbook sponsors at the end of last year...late June.  As a part of the proceedings, my then-current pregnancy came out.  The yearbook rep was asking if I would be able to make it to the adviser holiday get together this year (which was today), and I told her no, as it was two days after my due date. 

When Charlotte was stillborn, I texted the yearbook rep to let her know as I did with all of the other people I had told...but I didn't tell the other yearbook advisers as I literally see them twice a year.  I don't know them well enough that I wanted to share my personal heartbreak and breakdown with them...

I guess I figured that if I showed up today, clearly not less than a week postpartum, they would be intelligent enough and tactful enough to just keep their mouths shut.  Yeah, I'm stupid. 

The one adviser had clearly forgotten about it and, when I refused an appetizer, asked me if I was "pregnant or something."  I looked down, avoided eye contact, and said very clearly and firmly "no."

The other adviser DID remember that I had told them this, but had somehow gotten the timing lost.  She asked how my baby was.  I thought it might spoil the mood of a holiday event to say she's dead.  I also still do not know or care enough about this woman to tell her about my life.  I played it off like she was asking me about Mia. 

That was a bit of a kick in the gut.  I should have been expecting it, but, stupidly, I felt rather blindsided. 

I'm an idiot.

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