Sunday, October 7, 2012

Capture Your Grief--Days 5-7

To repeat, october is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month.  I'm continuing the photo challenge.  Again, the facebook page for it is here...but I am choosing to post here.  Here again is the list of days:


See the first four days of my photo journey HERE

Day 5 (10/5): Memorial
I bought this wind chime online the day after we got home from the hospital, July 24th.  I wanted to get something that I could display without being tacky, something that wouldn't cause raised eyebrows from the people who just don't get it, and something that might remind me of Charlotte at random times.  This is it.  Occasionally I'll hear the chimes from strange places in the house, places from which I shouldn't be able to hear them.  I choose to take these times as signs that Charlotte's looking out for us.  Sometimes, on bad days, I'll stand outside and try to just breathe and wait until the wind blows and I hear the chimes.  It's a very happy coincidence that it has a butterfly on it.  I either didn't notice it or didn't process it at the time when I picked it out.  I remember being surprised when I opened the box.  The other side of this tag has that little book of life poem..."too beautiful for Earth".  I like that.

Day 6 (10/6): What not to say
So, I got this as part of an email response from a member of my family.  It seems fairly innocuous, and I know that there are many women out there who wouldn't be upset by this at all.  I got my fair share of, "You should take it easier next time," and, "At least it didn't happen later," and, "You're young; you can have more kids," and, my personal favorite, "You have to be strong for your daughter.  She shouldn't see you upset."  That being said, this was, to me, one of the worst responses.  I spent the two weeks after Charlotte's death practically begging my family to talk to me about it.  I asked.  I called.  I emailed.  This is the email response that I got which made me stop asking. As I've said before, you go through your whole life believing that your family will be there for you if you really and truly need it...

Day 7 (10/7): What to Say
I had two friends, in particular, who were really helpful and supportive.  One brought me food the night we got home from the hospital....and, though she lives an hour away, she respected my request to have a few days alone to learn to cope by just dropping it on my front door step and texting me once she'd already driven away. That was more helpful than I could say.  The other sends me texts every now and again for no particular reason...just to let me know that she's thinking of us and that we still matter to her.  She still does it now, though most people have forgotten that we're still grieving. These two also have been almost the only people to actually sit down with me and ask questions...let me cry...ask to see pictures...validate that my daughter matters to more people than just me...Narrowing that concept of support down to one picture was hard.  I chose a random text that I got from one of these ladies.  The fact that she cares enough to KNOW about the butterflies means a lot to begin with.

See the continuation of my photo journey HERE

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