If you've not seen this before, my photo journey started here and continued here and then here.
Day 14: Community
I wondered for a while what to put here. I just today shared publicly the fact that I had a daughter and that she's gone. To this point, there has been very little community around me. That's partially my fault, as I feared sharing Charlotte for fear of having her memories hurt, or tarnished, or...I don't even know. You always see those photos circulating on facebook that have been shared thousands of times...which seem like no-brainers for support...but that have the most hurtful and insensitive comments from all the stupid people who just don't care. I couldn't handle that, so I kept her close to me and hidden for a long time...except for my message board. I finally realized that the community I turned to in my darkest hours was that of women who understood, who'd been there, who I'll never meet.
Day 15: The Wave of Light
I wondered for a while which candle to use for this purpose. It seemed like a candle lit for remembrance on my daughter couldn't just be a half-burned out Yankee candle I pulled off a shelf. Then I remembered my wedding. At our wedding, we lit a candle as part of our ceremony, trying to symbolize the presence of those who couldn't be with us...namely all of our grandparents. I realized that this candle might just be special enough for my baby Charlotte. It hadn't been lit since our wedding in 2007. On taking the picture, I got a really strange glare off of the box which holds Charlotte's remains. It's strange, because I had turned off all of the lights except for this candle, and the light from the candle couldn't possibly reflect off of the side of the box in that way. I wonder now if it's a little sign that Charlotte knows I'm thinking about her today. It's a purple light...I always think of Charlotte when I see purple.