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Friday, September 14, 2012

*whistling and twiddling thumbs

OK, getting impatient.  I'm never a patient person.  I'm the kid who carefully unwrapped and rewrapped my  Christmas presents two weeks before Christmas because I NEEDED to know what was in there.  If I was that impatient about a sweater, imagine how impatient I am about waiting for my body to return to normal.

I am currently 7 weeks and 5 days removed from my daughter's birth...when exactly is my body going to get back to normal?  This is one of two times in my life that I'm just desperate for my period to start.  The first was after my miscarriage in 2009...and it ended in the excessive amount of missed tissue from my D&C very painfully and shockingly exiting my body two days after Christmas.  The longer I'm waiting here, the more I'm worried that something similarly scary and/or dangerous will happen.

In addition, the following is a list of the reasons I want my body back to normal:

  1. We want to try to conceive again as soon as possible, and the doctor said I only have to wait one any day now.  As a part of the belief system we adopted when we lost Charlotte, we really feel like we NEED to try again as soon as possible...that part of the reason Charlotte left us is because she was sick, and she wants to be able to help us have a healthy child...Charlotte's going to watch over her little brother or sister and she'll send a small piece of her spirit back to us as well.  With that belief, it's almost painful to try to wait.
  2. The longer I wait, the more I research.  The more I research, the more I find strange diseases, conditions, and complications that I could attribute to my symptoms.  The more I find strange diseases, conditions, and complications, the more I worry...and panic.  I've alternately thought I have cancer, Ashermann's syndrome, early menopause, and renal failure in the last month. I am not normally a hypochondriac, but I find myself wondering and wondering.  Good times.
  3. So, since we're not supposed to TTC for the first month, but we want to TTC AFTER that month (hence no pills, hormones, or devices), our only option at this point is the condom.  Eww.  I am no longer 18, I am not a prostitute, and I have no communicable diseases (or maybe I do...see reason #2 again).  There is no reason I should have to use condoms ever again.  Yet here I am.  Again, eww.
  4. I'm getting tired of analyzing the...erm...moisture I feel at any given time of day, running to the bathroom to check, and being disappointed.  It's just annoying, and it's wasting toilet paper.  It's a silly concern, but it's still a concern.
Dear Aunt Frannie,
Would love for you to visit.  It's been too long.  Please only visit once, though...You'll wear out your welcome if you come around too often.

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