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Thanks for stopping in. There isn't really a rhyme or reason to this blog. It's just what comes to my head as I go through each day. If something I say resonates with you (positively or not), please leave a comment. It helps to know that people care. Thanks for reading!

Friday, September 7, 2012

Feeling really lonely

It's one of those bad nights.  They don't happen that often in the last couple of weeks, but every once in a while....here we are. So I'm going to vent and ramble, and hopefully the sludge that's clogging up my emotions will extricate itself from my life, if only temporarily.

I have a significant feeling that a lot of the people that I've counted as friends, some even really close friends, don't really care about me that much at all.  I know it's been almost seven weeks since Charlotte's birth and death, but, damn it, I still need people to care.  Or I need people to even care in the first place.






With one or two very rare exceptions, I don't remember the last time one of my friends called ME to ask to hang out.  I don't remember the last time one of my friends checked in on me to see how I'm doing.  I know that what I'm going through is just a small blip on the corner of someone else's radar....but it's a hell of a lot more than a blip to me.

I feel like I try pretty hard to be a good friend to people.  I try to do and say things that make people's lives easier, make people feel better.  I try not to burden people too much with my own problems if I can help it...but damn it, I need something now.  Who's trying hard to be a good friend to me? 

I literally do not remember the last time the phone rang and it wasn't an immediate member of my family.  Am I that person?  That person who thinks they're a better friend to people than they really are?  The one everyone is secretly annoyed by but no one has the guts to actually say it?  Am I that person?

I wish my phone would ring.

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