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Saturday, May 1, 2010

I probably wouldn't have either...

So, tonight my family celebrated Mother's Day, a week early.  The reason for this is that my sister is getting married in Texas next Saturday, so most of us will be in airports and cars and such on Sunday. 

There was a part of me, a much bigger part than I realized, that fully expected ONE of my family members to acknowledge that I was a mother this year.  Unfortunately there is no card for mothers of angel babies (again, that's what they call it in miscarriage land).  It was hard. 

I know that it's more than likely that they just don't see what happened to me as a piece of motherhood.  The difficult part is, since I DO see myself that way, their lack of acknowledgement feels somehow like a personal slight.  I know it's not, and I know that, if I said something, they would be very supportive.  The problem with that is, if I said something, the point is lost.  I wanted someone to see me as I see a mother of a child that didn't get a chance to live.  If they don't see me that way, them acknowledging me for being a mother because I said something feels more like it's being patronizing than that they really see me the way I see myself. 

Mike thinks it's because they don't want to risk upsetting me.  That's a sweet thing to say, but I don't believe him.  Yeah, it would upset me, and yeah, I would cry...but I want to have the opportunity to feel those emotions, rather than hiding the hurt I feel behind a camera...since photography of events like that has become my coping mechanism.

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