I've done much better today than I thought I would. I really wanted to talk to someone about the fact that it's my would-have-been due date, and that I'm having a hard time, but I don't know what to say. I honestly really want to just talk about the fact that I'm sad and cry, but people always want to say something to make me feel better.
There is no way to make me feel better today. Saying "It'll happen when it's meant to happen" or "Everything happens for a reason" or "Just stay positive" really doesn't help me. I get it. I know all that. It doesn't change the fact that I just want to be sad about it right now. It's not that I "lost the pregnancy"...I lost a child. I had a child, for a very short time, and it died. Am I not allowed to mourn that child's loss? Let me be sad, damn it. I know it's been six months, but today was the day I was supposed to meet that child.
So I haven't really gotten to talk about what I'm going through today. Most people don't even realize today means anything to me. I guess it's probably better that way. So, possibly fictional people reading my blog, I'll send my sadness out to you. It's nice to just be sad to someone...even if no one reads this....so thanks.